The Secret Marriage Healing Agent


Recently I was re-wiring an outlet in our house. I realize that for many this may seem like a simple assignment. However, I am certainly no professional electrician. So, this little job was more of an adventure than it was a routine task. First step – remove the outlet cover. Simple enough. Next I removed the screws that held the outlet inside the electric box. Done. At this point I was feeling pretty confident. The next step was to pull the outlet out from the wall far enough to loosen the screws that held the electrical wires to the outlet. So, I did the obvious – I used my index finger and my thumb to grab each side of the outlet. Not thinking, I placed them squarely on the wires on either side of the outlet.

Zap! –a JOLT blasted through my hand!

I immediately JERKED my hand back and without thinking I jammed my fingers into my mouth to sooth the instantaneous tingling-burning sensation.

Surprise! – I forgot to flip the breaker that supplied power to the outlet. Whoops! Lesson learned.

But, here’s the real lesson: It is a natural response to sooth and heal wounds within our own body. Wounds almost never heal without some intentional attention and care, especially deep wounds. The deeper or more severe the wound, the more care it needs.

In the midst of his exposé concerning the relationship between husbands and wives Paul made an amazing statement that may be often overlooked. He explains “Husbands should love their wives as they love their own bodies. The man who loves his wife loves himself. No one ever hates his own body, but provides for and takes care of it” (Eph 5:28-29).

The reality is all of us are broken. All of us are wounded in some way. The way I read this passage is that it is our job to care for, attend to, and minister to, our spouse’s woundedness. It is our responsibility to attempt to sooth and bring healing to our mate. It might even be possible that the reason the Lord put us in their lives is to attend to their healing.

Unfortunately, many times we respond to our spouses out of our own woundedness. We tend to react out of self-preservation rather than service. As a result, instead of healing we often cause further damage and deepen the wound. We know he needs affirmation but instead we criticize, further damaging his ego. We know she needs understanding but instead we snap, further damaging her self-esteem. But, I believe part of God’s call on my life is to recognize my wife’s woundedness and respond and react to her in a way that brings healing, not further damage.

Imagine how different our households would be if we actually did what Jesus said we should be doing, “As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:35). Jesus came to “bind up the brokenhearted.” If we are truly to love one another as Christ, then attending to one another’s healing might be a top priority.

Things to think about.

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